flying

12/18/2006 2:57 PM

United flight 858. In accordance with new flight regulations, all liquids brought on board by passengers on flights bound for the United States, must be placed in checked baggage. I stuffed my contact lens solution and eye gel into my suitcase (one friend told me about how she was forced to throw her lip gloss away, that gets a hell no for my $36 eye gel) but retained my face wash and lotion, and toothpaste despite threatening signs about carrying such items on board. The tubes are almost empty and I’d like to get off the plane with at least a clean face and teeth. Upon touchdown we’re going to be running around on our day of eating; I can’t be overly crusty. I figured that bottled water was ok, since people can’t be expected to dehydrate on a 15-hour flight, can they?

Oh yes, they can. We were all forced to toss our water bottles before getting on the plane. Stupid, honest me, I should have lied when they asked me if I was carrying water. I can’t believe this policy flies (haha) in the U.S.; we are a people permanently attached to our water bottles, much like to our SUVs and Starbucks cups. As travelers go, I am probably one of the more laid-back: I don’t care where on the plane I sit as long as it’s not in the middle, and I pretty much pass out as soon as I sit in my seat and stay that way for most of the flight, no matter the duration. Most times I completely miss takeoff. But a person’s gotta have free and unfettered access to some sort of hydration. That’s just wrong. There are so many reasons why for me alone – digestive, my permacough, pills I take in-flight – and I consider myself fairly healthy and all that. This is outrageous. Being allotted small plastic cups in random intervals that are apt to either be drained immediately or spilled if not at is not the same thing.

What’s making me more cranky is #1: the valium I popped a solid 40 minutes ago hasn’t kicked in (my first foray into this genre – usually I don’t need any help with in-flight sleep) and #2: I am seated next to the most active couple I’ve ever met. We’re all uncomfortable… but they take the cake on movement count, if you’re the type to count things like that (clearly, I am). You’d think that people so inclined to constant and disruptive movement would have the forethought to book seats in the aisle. They’re gone into the overhead compartment twice already, there have been 2 bathroom visits, and the wife changes positions every 7 minutes or so, jamming her foot over her husband into the window and pushing her back against my shoulder, assuming a semi-crouch in the seat, and now there’s a nose-picking competition going on.

Please, valium. I’m begging you.

4:40:34 PM

Ok, so maybe it’s kicked in… not sure because I always thought it was supposed to knock you out as you roll around, miserable and strung out, in your satin sheets. Like Sharon Stone in Casino. So far I just feel pretty chill and I ate most of my requisite United Airlines meal. I don’t know what it is about food on airplanes, but I have never missed a single meal on a flight I’ve been on. For some reason, I manage to eat nearly everything on my little compartmentalized tray, and I do it every time. A morbid curiosity? I think I’m always anticipating that they’ll taste much worse than they do; they definitely get points on the bland scale, but as far as disgusting rates, I’ve had much worse. However, I don’t get the salad in those meals. I would think that the least offensive raw vegetable form in an airplane meal would be some lettuce and maybe a cucumber or something, but most airline salads tend to be topped with some frightening version of smoked salmon or – in my case – dried-out strips of ham. Why get fancy? Just leave the nutritionally deficient iceberg lettuce alone, resist the temptation to fancy it up with gross processed meats.

The couple has settled down somewhat. The husband is asleep and the wife is busily filling out a survey that will enter each applicant into a sweepstakes that may result in up to 140,000 bonus miles. I read the fine print on the back – they don’t actually specify what the prize is because it’s dependent upon the trip upon which you received the survey. Tricky. Apparently you can also enter the sweepstakes by mailing in a 3” x 5” card, but does that mean you don’t get any miles, because there is no flight for them to base their sliding prize scale? But hell, if that’s keeping them still, I can come up with more paperwork to keep her busy. Here, fill out my departure card. My customs declaration, whatever.

I digress. The reason I am suspecting that the valium is working is because I’ve suddenly chilled out. It took my 10 minutes to butter my roll, and another 5 minutes to send it down the hatch (rolls usually last me about 45 seconds). I seem content to type random complaints on my computer and blast Sarah McLachlan on Itunes. Not feeling sleepy, though.

I wonder if the flight attendants like working this particular flight. I know that fellow Americans – ABCs, mostly, so don’t get in an uproar – are pretty unhappy on primarily-Chinese passenger flights. It has something to do with cramming all of our cultural complaints (the hawking loogs, the amplified-decimal discussions, the nose-picking, the relative disregard for other people’s comfort, such as practicing seat acrobatics) into a very small space. I just saw this man full-on fall on top of the woman next to him, while attempting to reach the air nozzle above. I guess his arms weren’t long enough, but then he used her head as leverage to get back up. I’m going to assume the woman was his wife, but that was still messed up.

I still haven’t gotten down who you need to sleep within order to at least get on one of the Economy-Plus flights (even an additional inch and those footrests make a world of difference on an international flight) but when I do… look out!

We’ve passed Tokyo and Sapporo and are now flying over the open ocean.

Thoughts about the 1.5 month break between semesters? Assuming I take care of the first concern – money – our plan is to head to Vietnam for a week or so. The bummer about this break is that it takes place during the coldest time of year. I’d like to go somewhere in China to see some of the prettier areas or the panda bear refuge or something, but I do this with the heavy knowledge that I’m going to be a frozen-ass popsicle. I might have to recruit Alvin for that one; fairly sure Cyn has seen pretty much what she wants to see of tourist China. Especially during the one big vacation time of the year for the entire country. Want to talk about Christmas rush? Try Chinese New Year…

I didn’t know that the goal for many people on long flights was to remain standing for as much of the flight as possible. I suppose this is probably a good idea when you’re thinking about the physical demands of a long flight, but I’ve always been inclined to stay in my seat as much as possible. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself, wandering around the cabin. Do you walk around and make friends? Stare at people who are sleeping? Read over people’s shoulders? Do you walk with existing friends, like being at a very cramped and dark indoor park? The restroom area always seems a little too questionable for me to want to spend long amounts of time near, but maybe this is preferable to playing seat twister with the people next to you.

7:48:21 PM

Someone’s feet smell like vinegar. I mean, I understand the compulsion to kick off one’s shoes on an airplane, especially during a long flight such as this, but I don’t understand the foot funk thing. If you are one of the chosen few who could easily annihilate a population by the simple removal of your shoes, then perhaps it is for the common good that you keep them on. Or engage in the usage of odor-eaters, plus foot powder, plus that prescription available for super sweaty feet-people. I think it’s like anti-perspirant you rub on your feet. Frequent bathing and changing of socks may also help. During one business trip, I remember sitting next to my manager, and someone behind us unleashed the most foul-smelling feet from their confines. The stench literally hit us like a wall, it was like someone had gangrenous feet and then stepped in shit and mixed it all around like he was going to finger-paint. Although my then-manager had much better manners than I and we were surrounded by colleagues, we both exclaimed loudly and with much profanity. It was a knee-jerk reaction. And the culprit didn’t seem to give a shit, so I guess it doesn’t matter.

And fuck, I think I broke my watch. I was going into a mind-warp trying to understand how it could only be 3:45 when we’d clearly been airborne for more than two hours, but also not possibly for 14. Then it stayed 3:45 for too long. On a side note, why is it so difficult to figure out the length of your flight? I always sit and think for like, 20 minutes trying to figure that shit out, and I’m always wrong anyway. I always thought that the flight to SH was somewhere around 14 hours, but departing at 1:45 pm and landing at 8:18 am means that it’s actually closer to… 11 hours. 10 and some change, really. That makes it not that much longer than flying to Tokyo, which I always found to be an enjoyable 9 hours. I think I really just enjoy eating the soba noodles on the plane, but flights to Tokyo are always cool.

And, btw, this valium is bullshit. I’ve gotten more sleep without it on any given flight. I may have countered it with the 2 cups of coffee I’ve had in-flight, but usually that doesn’t affect things. If I had been handed a mystery pill like Neo and had to guess by its effects, I would definitely pick upper. What a disappointment. The blue pill…

I wonder if my typing is bothering anyone. I would be betting no, because you can’t hear it over the roar of the plane. Plus, the 3-year old behind us is making a light show out of the overheads in his row, which I bet is winning over my typing. Remind me next time to fly business class. Oh, and get a job so that I can pay for that… yeah.

I think one of my future business ideas is to start an airline that offers the clubbing room. You could have your passengers strap in to these harnesses that allow for movement, but are secure enough to keep them from hitting the ceiling during turbulence. Plus, the ceilings would be higher since there would be no overhead compartments to worry about. I’m feeling stir-crazy enough that I could easily do a couple hours of ass-shaking just to blow off some steam. I bet this kid behind me would benefit from it, too. I’ve got 50 cent here telling me it’s my birthday… which always makes me want to get up and do something, freak someone, clean the house, whatever. My physiology professor at Berkeley used to say that what airlines should have on planes are treadmills, not seats, to prevent the lymph from collecting in your feet and ankles, causing the swollen feet problem. Lymph depends on muscle movement to circulate, unlike blood which has the heart to pump it about, so if you’re sedentary, then your lymph is, as well. And who wants that?! Treadmills might make the whole safety thing kind of an issue, though. Good try, Professor Diamond.

Four more hours. Neither my Ipod nor my laptop are going to last that long. I may be forced to watch tv while this kid performs a drum solo on the back of my seat. He’s cute but cute only gets you so far. I am really not understanding how twister lady next to me is sleeping through this. She must have grown up in China. I’m convinced that Chinese are immune to taking offense at being jostled, pushed, or stepped on because kids start experiencing it at birth. Parents holding babies are smushed on buses and the metro, and little kids are thrown around like toys, getting pushed and pulled through impossible crowds of people. I would have been scared shitless as a kid, but I always watch them in crowds, and these kids don’t even trip. They’re like, going about their business, just totally used to it. American kids? No way.

I’m friggin thirsty. See what I mean? If I had my water bottle at my disposal, this wouldn’t be an issue. But now there’s turbulence, so not only is typing in the dark a challenge, but one cannot jump out of one’s seat to get water. And one’s only choice of receptacle (small plastic cup) is sure to spill the contents during this turbulence. Maybe I should write the FAA. You’re causing the dehydration of entire populations!

caught between grrrr and brrrrr

feeling cold and restless and exhausted. it's a strange mixture because my most dominant malaise (restlessness) could be easily remedied by going to sleep. but because it's dominant, i tend to override the exhausted part with the restless part and ride out the wee hours feeling discontent. there are parties to go to, so i could quash that feeling, but i spent the evening running about (got home at 10) and it's cold like hell. so right now i'm experiencing emotions like a two year old. don't like what i have and don't want what i could have.

going home in less than two days. i know that my mom is going to hear my barking cough (still sick) and rant briefly about it. either my refusal to rest (just a vicious rumor, i rest plenty) or my life in a polluted city or some monologue regarding how i don't take care of myself will be uttered. i know it. for a mom who prides herself on her relatively laissez-faire, avant-garde approach to parenting, my mom does like to wax poetic about my fictional self-abuse.

shanghai - the expats anyway - seems to shut down around the holidays. i'm sure the locals are plugging away as normal (in fact i was on the subway today so i know they are) but the parties i've been-to-slash-heard-from are pretty dead. most have left for their home countries or are getting ready to, we're guessing.

one to add to the list of pros for not going out - last night's smoke-a-rama contest going on between this girl lena (whose going-away we crashed even though we were only introduced that night. i've seen her at other parties tho) and this guy next to me is thankfully absent. i thought for a while that lena was blowing her nasty-ass smoke on me last night, but after observing, she just smokes so much that it drifts everywhere, no matter where she blows it or where you're seated. i hate smoking more than ever here.

what is a hobby?

define it.

to me, hobbies are knitting and scrapbooking and collecting stamps and other things that remind me of middle-aged women in turtlenecks and l.l. bean skirts (unfair stereotype, i know).

i always sit and stare at the 'my profile' part of various services (friendster, this blog, whatever) and wonder what to write. i don't decoupage or crochet. i feel like the things i do in my spare time can't truly be called hobbies. working out? snowboarding? yoga? all activities, in my book, not hobbies. eating? i find that falls under 'activity' as well. reading? writing?

sammi listed out a few things that he thought my hobbies consisted of: drinking, swimming, snowboarding, beating people (wait, i think that was actually 'kicking ass'), salsa dancing, and eating. pretty close, i think, except for kicking ass and swimming. i would like to beat people sometimes. mostly when it's early morning and i'm forced to deal with public transportation and people who have really dirty dandruff-y hair that place themselves really close to me and wear black blazers. oh yeah, and people who have halitosis. i don't care, man. take care of your shit. floss and listerine and do whatever. just don't breathe in my friggin face. and yawn with abandon. that's so wrong. oh, and also people who walk slow at the transfer station and like, cut in front of you and decide to start sms'ing or reading their stupid newspaper. it'd be like whack-a-mole.

jin fu virus

alvin and i joke that when someone has a case of insomnia, like yours truly right now, that he or she has a case of the jin fu virus. alvin's chinese name is huang jin fu, and he's becoming notorious for not being able to sleep at night. check him out: http://alvinwij.multiply.com/

once morning arrives, say anywhere from 5 to 8 AM, he seems to sleep fine, but it's those darker hours that he's awake and unable to settle. i understand that; it seems so much more desirable sometimes - and productive, for me - to be awake and writing at night. writing during the day makes you feel the heaviness of unemployment - something seems too quiet and wrong about it. you should be making lunch plans or be stressed out or something. typing busily on a computer or cradling your phone, or both simultaneously.

i have to be up in 5 hours to leave for class. this isn't funny. i downed a melatonin a good 30 minutes ago... i think that because i'm naturally inclined to stay up until around 4 AM, letting myself indulge this tendency for the past week has really messed my body clock up. i was in bed around midnight, wondering why i wasn't already asleep. i'm normally an immediate fall-asleeper, something that i think was annoying for past boyfriends but is damn skippy to me. in my thoughts, i covered subjects varying from thinking about what shoes i'll be bringing back from the states to whether i should go to yoga tomorrow to flashbacks of the weekend.
it doesn't help that i'm getting sick again (what they say about your first year in china seems to be proving true - you're sick a LOT) and for some reason it settled immediately in my chest, and seemingly, my lungs. not much in the way of congestion but lots of coughing and hacking. it makes for not so good sleep. i'm extra dependent on the inhaler these days.

i think a lot about going home and what it will be like. one thing is definitely going to be jarring - the lack of capital. i have a list as long as my arm for things i want/need to bring back; mostly grooming items like real Q-tips and my favorite shampoo and contact leans cleaner, but also need to bring back some serious warm clothes and some requests from the girls here. we as women are product-starved: cindy wants a stila lip gloss like mine, linda wants the c.o. bigelow lip stuff like mine, etc. etc. i also have a rather substantial kiehls order waiting for me to be brought back. how am i going to christmas shop with no money? and almost as importantly, no discount like i've had for the past 6 years? this'll be weird. running to banana and buying cashmere was always a last-minute, reliable gift cop-out, but that's not going to be an option now.

i also wonder if the homesickness is going to kick in once i land on my own turf. my sister and cousin have already planned a 'day of eating' starting the minute i arrive. we head to tartine to meet up with shawn, whom i haven't seen in over a year, and it goes from there. burritos in the mission or at los hermanos, oysters at the ferry building, i'd like to squeeze in an everything bagel egg mitt if i possibly can. is my odd emotional suspension going to end once all of my familiar things are around me? my cat, my family, the general civility of being home? i guess we'll just have to see. i have a feeling that my natural cheapness will kick in here - a survival instinct forcing me to process that everything i do at home costs about 5 times more than it does in china with the exception of starbucks (HOW do they do that? stupid brand marketing) and yoga classes.

on a girly note, i hope i'm not going to gain back any of the weight i've lost here - i'm just starting to figure out how my clothes fit (i.e. everything i brought to china is a little big). those damn joe's jeans i spent a fortune on are now kinda baggy. my body is beginning to look more like it used to... i'd like to keep it that way. i'm going to see how bikram compares at home... and maybe go running if my back holds up ok. i don't know if these measure will hold against the day of eating and likely several more of those.

the end of cwspeak..?

**warning - old post from monday, december 4, snatched from cwspeak**

hello hello?



so the story is this - i am able to access squarespace now, but since i've gotten started on blogger again and blogger is free... i'm inclined to stay with it and cancel my squarespace subscription. thoughts? blogger is actually more dependable for me and faster to use, but i do like some of the squarespace features. plus, blogger is free and squarespace is not. for those of you who read this regularly, is there any preference? i hate switching back and forth like this - it's the OCD part of me that needs to have all my entries lined up in order on one source - but as the foreigners here like to say, i hit the 'great firewall of china.' hard and fast.

other than that, just doing my thing, enjoying being single and without obligations. hehe. i've been pretty good about going to class, but not with studying this week. i feel like i'm kinda getting into a groove, socially at least, and really enjoying just living here and meeting people and exploring the boundaries of my own personality. i hung out with a friend today, which was interesting because i've been really tentative about hanging out with him, afraid of creating a situation where attachments (not mine, necessarily) could be formed. but he's moving back to austria next week so i thought, well, fuck it, we can just hang out - i always have fun with him and like him as a person. and it was cool, despite my reservations. i'm not consciously trying to cast aside my own personal precautions, but wanting to think less and do more. if there's anything i can be rightly accused of, it's overthinking. i think we covered that a few entries ago. i've always been really wary-slash-hyperconscious of situations that could potentially be date-like. but, honestly, what's bad about spending time with a person that is generally good and interesting and just proceeding on the plank of positive intent? doesn't mean i need to hook up with that person or feel obligated in any way.

one of the things about shanghai - which i've been discussing w/ alvin - is that it's so incredibly easy to meet someone on any given night. if you wanted to, every time you went out you could meet someone and go home with him/her. most of the people i know (single ones anyway) are juggling like, 2-3 potentials at any given time. i think this is a good thing, it's a great thing, but sometimes i feel like shaking myself and seeing if this is real. for me, this comes at a good time - i don't want to be serious about anyone now, i feel like taking sips of different samples is right about my speed right now. anyhoo.

Posted on Monday, December 4, 2006 at 01:54AM by

like, whoa

**warning: old post from sunday, december 10, snatched from cwspeak**

so it's cold now. i officially live in a cold place. being in the bay area doesn't really impact you much in terms of weather; rainy days suck but there are very few times where you step outside a door fully 'rugged up' in a coat and scarf and the wind still takes your breath away. today was a relatively vicious day in terms of cold weather and i understand the popularity with boot-like footwear. i was sporting these silver ballet slipper deals from the night before (don't ask) and every millimeter of uncovered skin was immediately apparent. remind me to find a solution for evening footwear that doesn't involve stilettos (not good in china, not good in rain) and fully covers the foot. boots, i guess.

i didn't leave myself much recovery time from the night before so the evening started off rather sleepily. christoph's going-away was tonight and i finally got to view the famous apartment; famous primarily for the unsightly turquoise pleather sofas and the disco-esque lighting in the living room. the apartment itself, to my surprise, was nicely habitable. furniture aside, it's a relatively new building with what looks like perfectly suitable accomodations (besides the hideous furniture). the problem with renting is that you are at the mercy of the landlord when it comes to decor. you can either be fairly lucky - we are - and be equipped with neutral ikea-like furnitre and dark wood accents and floors, or you can escape with really horrible chinese-inspired decor. there's a reason china is not the forefront in home fashion, or any fashion, for that matter.

the party was nice - plenty of food and drink, and good company. we decided to head out around midnight and ended up at logo. logo is a divey bar near school that is low-key and plays good music. i started off completely sober but ordered a beer, then someone kept ordering rounds of b-52s so what was supposed to be a low-key evening in recovery from last night turned out to be another dizzy night. i was so sleepy that i started to doze to the reggae playing over the speakers, clearly announcing time to go home. and yet i'm here past 4 AM blogging.

off to bed now - we have brunch at 'the kitchen' tomorrow, then off to the fabric market to fix my coats. i'm excited for some warm gear, although i'll be home in a week and pawing through my boxes of clothes.

Posted on Sunday, December 10, 2006 at 03:59AM

useful things

every rainy day i'm reminded of this - chinese people be loving them some plastic bags. it's kinda strange or maligned to me in a country where toilet paper is not considered a 'must' in most public restrooms that plastic bags are so esaily and widely available. walk into any mall and there's a plastic bag dispenser to dump your dripping umbrella into, most breakfasts are steamed buns and warm soy milk carried around in a tissue-thin plastic bag distributed by the steam house where purchased, and at the malatang (spicy soup) place we go to, they serve up your noodle soup in a bowl lined with a plastic bag.

i was somewhat puzzled by the umbrella thing in the beginning - my cheapo umbrella came with its own little pouch which to me signifies that you use said pouch to more neatly and color-coordinatingly carry your wet umbrella... but i have since misplaced the matching pouch and do the plastic bag thing if i must. i prefer to let it drip most of the time just to be a contrarian.

i still don't understand why my mom always carried around at least one or two plastic bags in her immense purse when we were growing up. i mean, they came in handy when she and dad took their two very motion-sickness inclined children on long road trips, but carrying one around at all times? i don't get it.

other fun uses i've noticed for plastic bags - in shower cap form which you wear over your shoes when entering someone's house (replacing the need to completely remove of the shoe), to stuff into the opening of your odd arm-warmer type item worn partially over the hand to the elbow (strangely these are usually printed with some sort of american football team logo - the lady at my campus cafe wears greenbay packers arm warmers), as a way of carrying all your worldly possessions. today, a man boarded the bus carrying two enormous plastic bags (think of what the woven sacks of rice are made of) and a bamboo pole.

expat thanksgiving

i have to agree with david sedaris on this one - the term, 'expat,' is widely used but rather confusing. i have never been much of a 'pat,' and adding an 'ex' to that just makes it more inaccurate. rather, the americans out here can be more aptly called 'citizens living abroad' or something like that. i guess the name is just too long, so expats we are... but it's just a strange term. i conjure up images of enthusiastic flag-waving and top hats and - strangely - the civil war.

yesterday cyn and i hosted our first thanksgiving. we made the whole thing - brined the turkey, made the stuffing, candied the yams, mashed the kartoffel... it turned out really well for our first one. i'm proud of us, and it was nice to have that holiday food prep here. kinda makes you realize that the holidays are here, because mostly i don't have any reminders of holiday stuff during my daily routine. part of why i feel that i'm so content here is because i just don't have anything here that reminds me of home and therefore prompts any sort of homesickness. it's like being on an extended vacation mode - quasi-student, definitely broke, but doing what i want, when i want, mostly.

we had alvin over, and mike from school, jody, and ulf. truthfully i spent most of the week preparing for this dinner. most of my apres-school activities involved procuring either food or tools for the preparation. to our knowledge, there are 2 places in shanghai that you can buy a turkey - both western supermarkets. i managed to find cornmeal for the cornbread stuffing, which i was starting to get a little desperate about - it's my dad's staple and my favorite - and we even found friggin marshmallows for the yams. the only thing was the cranberry sauce; i ended up getting lingonberry jam from ikea, which did the trick. they're pretty similar.

of course, we ended up playing drinking games and we got really smashed. i, uh, lost my dinner and passed out on the sofa for like an hour or two, and everyone else kept drinking except cyn, who was cleaning up and making jook. sigh.

i think cindy is voguing here?


one of the drinking games consisted of blowing cards off of the top of a bottle. we spent several hours on this one.


did i mention several hours?


alvin and mike waking me up after my nap. i was feeling much better. once a cheap date, always a cheap date.

qipu lu pics from last week

went with a few classmates last week to qipu lu (chee poo loo, aka cheap pu lu), which is this shopping 'street' with tons of vendors selling cheap clothes. we'd heard that it was a crowded mess, but wanted to see for ourselves. the clothes were underwhelming - your typical chinese fashion with an excess of rhinestones, ruching, tassles, strings, paint, print, what have you - and the vendors were insanely aggressive. two women from a clothes stall followed us for 3 stories (the stalls are indoors in these multi-plexes of commerce), pulling on our clothes and blocking our path to get us to buy from them. it got annoying and we left without buying anything, but i guess it's good i experienced it (?). i had half an eye out for shoes since i was brilliant enough to bring from home two pairs of sneakers on their last legs, but all the pumas were... shall we say, less than authentic? you can tell mostly because the tread on the bottom of the shoes feel hard and plastic-y, not supple and rubbery. sure to make you scrub and fall when running through the metro on a rainy day.

the more fun part for me was walking back from the shopping district to the metro, where you get to be amongst the hustle and bustle. this was cool because qipu is situated in a non-foreigner area, so it's not like your senses are being assaulted by 3-story high billboards for lancome or giordano or whatever. there are tons of people loitering around, buying snacks from food vendors and standing around discussing stuff. linda and i stopped by a steam-food stall for these dumplings made of sticky rice wrapped in dough. starchy goodness.


mob scene we were greeted by upon leaving - trying to sell us watches and bags


waiting to cross


roasted chestnuts are a common street-vendor food


tangerine guy

i'm being self-indulgent

...but i can't help it. i got everyone's pics from this weekend and i can't stop looking at them and laughing. it's too funny.


from tonight... at ye shanghai. girls night out.


les and pru earlier today at yuyuan gardens


yuyuan gardens


saturday night... continued. these pics are fuggin money


neither ladies remember this being taken. wtf?


tang, cyn, pru


me, les, and that ho again

monday night

les, some ho, cyn


me, tang, alvin


tang, and cyn getting squished into pru's breastsssss



still kinda recovering from saturday. les and pru came to class with me today and were... bored. it was a pretty boring class, i have to say. mondays are usually lackluster.

we went to eat before class and found this little hole in the wall that everyone else seems to have known about... ordered won ton, 2 orders of dumplings, soup noodles, and pork chops and it was all 24 kuai. holy sh*t! and it was good food, too. les and pru were fiending for local food - street food - and this was perfect. i can't wait to go back, but it's one of those places where you really have to know how to order in chinese or you get pushed aside - it's super busy and tiny. so of course i'm not going back unless i have someone with me who is either fluent or ballsy.

came home after meeting up with them and chilled for a bit. still tired from being up till 6 last night - we decided to go out at midnight last night to check out the salsa scene. ain't much going on at 1 am on a rainy sunday night. the first place we tried to go to didn't seem to exist, so we relented and went to zapata's and it was so dead. poor les - we walked in and there were only like 2 couples dancing, and i guess she thought we were just in the entry way so she kept walking back thinking there would be more people in the back... and ended up near the bathrooms. oh well. so we ended up at bi feng tang and ordered a ton of food and sat and talked until the wee hours. including some pics from sat night. hilarity as usual.

and... we're back

damn it. so i guess for now i have to use this service. i don't think any blogging service is without its challenges here in shanghai - or is it the whole country? i don't know. here are some pics from the shark diving thing i did with alvin a while back. been meaning to get these pics for a while and finally did. yay!

les and prudence arrived yesterday for a 4-day visit. true to form, shortly after landing they were ready to go party. we had a pretty big night last night, and they were troopers. started off with tian jia - our sushi place - and 2 bottles of sake... progressed to glamour bar for cosmos and a couple shots where christoph was there for the tail end of one of his events... ended up at attica where i had to sweet talk the damn door guy to let 5 of us girls in for the price of 3. clubbing 101 - when there's a group of all-girls, you should pay them to come in, shoot.... attica was fun. lots of dancing in the hip hop room. alvin, allen, linda, lisa, tang were all there. more indonesians came later, which just makes the party bigger...

crunch time

having to go in to work tomorrow. what?! i leave in less than 5 days. my shit is in boxes in storage and in suitcases. i have nothing in the fridge and nothing in the cupboards. my cat is now living with my parents and my car is insured to my sister. it seems so wrong that i have to return to normalcy and work my ass off for two days. why again did i agree to this?

eh, anyway.

biggest challenge these days is to streamline the packing. i am going from arguably one of the most aesthetics-driven countries (france) to inarguably one of the least (china) and need to be both practical for hot weather (which i've visited but never lived in) but still need to hang with the chic in the south of france. what's a girl to do... and why the hell do i have so many jackets. and hats. and jeans. jesus christ, the second coming in denim. the thing that i try to keep in mind is what my best friend did when she left for shanghai. granted, she still had a room at her parents that she didn't need to clear out and rent to someone else, but she's also tremendously good at not buying / accumulating stacks of expensive denim. and military-esque jackets. and gold or bronze sandals. she literally took with her one backpack and one small suitcase when she moved. i'm forcing myself to keep it down to an enormous duffle (one i can practically stretch out in and i'm 5'7") and a suitcase that could house a family. she's trying to help me with this by telling me to visualize my small bedroom with nowhere to hang stuff and reminding me that this may just be a 6-month thing (god, i hope not. i'm going to stay 2 years just because i don't want to have to move again).

self: visualize mixing and matching. channel a monk or something. take it down a notch.
i guess this is not necessarily a bad problem to have. if i ever wonder where my salary went, i now know. but i don't because i already knew.

off to bed. must be able to analyze very small data in a very precise way in about 8 hours.

40 countries in 40 years

a friend of mine had this goal of visiting 40 countries by her 40th birthday. i thought this an awesome idea.

well, i'm only at... 11? and that includes canada and mexico, unfortunately.

• japan - 2006 and 2002-ish (go snowboarding in niseko. you'll be glad you did.)
• korea - 2004 (um, half my peeps originated here, but i found the local custom of running into people to be jarring. and you can only eat barbequed squid so many times a day.)
• china - 2004, 1991, 1987. see xiao long bao on the left. good shit.
• brazil - 2004 (incredible incredible. be prepared to be mugged if you're in rio. carry only small amounts of cash and lip gloss. ladies, butt crack is an accessory. the pic on the right is of me in rio. i like the blurry look.)
• thailand - 2003 (you need to go diving if you haven't already. get custom-made clothes in bankok. try not to cry when a 12-year old bar girl walks off with a 75-year old tourist.)
• france - 1998
• holland - 1998 (people seriously ride bikes here. i got passed up constantly by grandmas toting their grandkids. also, the dutch are tall and have big feet, which made me feel pretty good whilst shopping for shoes.)
• spain - 1998 (hard time with racial shit here, especially in madrid. i hear it's better, but we were ready to throw down at one point.)

ok, so that was only 10. maybe i'll remember another one later. my passport is at the chinese consulate, alas.

top-5 anticipatory-country list:

• costa rica - surfing and coffee? hells yeah.
• italy - i work with lots of italians and find their schedules appealing. not as a business partner, but for myself. espresso all day long? wine and a nap? why not?
• australia - great barrier reef. i like fish and moray eels and leopard sharks. plus i met some very nice aussies in japan. i'd been nonplussed on the subject before then. you know, you hear stories about racism and shit, which is not a friendly subject.
• vietnam
• hmm. a toss up between peru and laos. i think machu picchu wins.

joining a fan club at 28

written 7/9/06:

A lot of leaving has to do with letting go. I feel that I’ve been so focused on success – what success means, I’m still not sure, but it had to do with getting more money this year than I got last year – that I forgot about what it was I gravitated naturally towards when left to my own devices. What I’d think about periodically was an article I read in ‘National Geographic’ some time ago about a people that lived in some wholly exotic jungle. Anthropologists had studied these people and determined that the amount of hours that each member contributed towards a livelihood – that is, food, shelter, relative safety – totaled approximately four hours a day (you’ll forgive the lack of details and bibliography – it’s past 5 AM and I’ve been drinking) whereas the average American devotes about 10+ hours to the same end. So what if their diet may include insects and they perhaps think that a nose pierced with bone is pretty cool? Half of us have random piercings anyway.

I decided that after 28 years, I would give in and join this fan club. I’ve been alarmingly obsessed with this band recently – the world ‘band’ being relatively new to my vocabulary in the first place – and have been secretly googling them and haunting their website and re-playing their videos on mtv.com… it’s embarrassing but kind of fun. It’s the teenager I never let exist. The funniest part to me is that I never let a ‘band’ enter my repertoire as a teenager. I was pretty much a hip hop girl and now at 28, finally admitting that I’ve always had a penchant for dark-haired boys in eyeliner, well, it’s just interesting and rather hilarious. You should check them out – they fucking rock – although I’m not positive I’m listening to rock . The songs involve some screaming. I was pretty alarmed by that when I first heard it, but you kinda get used to it and now I’m on their forums like all the other 18-year olds in Missouri and Texas and Las Cruces, New Mexico. www.afireinside.net. Release that inner teenager, man.

Pay the $39.99 and get your t-shirt and wrist band and sticker or whatever the hell.

One of the things that I am fascinated by – besides the fact that they live in Oakland and East Bay, holla! – is the fact the band is vegetarian and vegan. What is THAT all about? A couple of them are sXe – fucking straight-edge. No booze, no drugs. Have I ever met someone like that? I worked with this lady at the library whose teenage son was into that scene… but how the hell you manage? Is caffeine a drug? What do you do when you smell pork chops cookin? Is soy a sustainable option? I’ve been around a fair share of vegans – I am a Berkeley Co-op alum – but no one that actually avoided ALL the deadly sins. Most of the vegans I knew were busy shoving coke up their noses and gobbling down shrooms and MDMH like no other. I’m no stranger to staving off of things I don’t believe in – religion being one – but my god (pun intended… sort of. Caught in editing at least.). I couldn’t have avoided bomb if I wore a fucking helmet and hockey mask throughout my high school years.

The sun’s coming up – I need to sleep to be worth a damn tomorrow. Packing.

letting go - am i making the right choice?

Reaching the end of what I’ve worked so long to build. I can’t really describe in one word what it is I’m feeling; there are so many parts. Regret for leaving behind so many things that I take pleasure in. Wide-eyed denial of the impending doom of being illiterate and unable to communicate. Excitement about putting an end to what I’ve considered to be the most difficult fulfilling destructive stable phases of my life. Fear about my grandmother and perhaps never seeing her again. Guilt for abandoning those that depend on me.

One of the fascinating things is the excitement that everyone expresses for me. I wonder if that’s what people would really choose if they were in my shoes. Because I know that if the stars hadn’t aligned in the way they did several months ago – the last rejection email from Harvard, getting berated in a meeting by my VP, getting berated in another meeting by my director, driving the same street every weekend and realizing it made me tired, seeing people from my high school and not wanting to even though they were actually pretty nice back then, feeling that I’ve never been lost in my life and suddenly wanting to see what it felt like – I’d still be bleeping into the lobby every morning, saying hi to Alan the receptionist, and trying to walk quietly past my director’s office because I’m the usual 30-45 minutes late. I’d still be sitting down at my desk, turning on the computer, checking voicemail. I’d still have voicemail. I’d listen to my iPod with the volume on low so I could hear my phone ringing, my colleagues coming up behind me to talk about the delivery slide on our newest product. I’d decide each day what to get for lunch. Are we feeling a salad today or possibly a burrito? Does the weather suck? Do my feet hurt?

One of the frightening things to me is that I didn’t feel suffocated. It was just what I did every day. It afforded me my own condo at 26, nice things to fill it with, and occasional travel to anthropologically fascinating places such as Hickory, NC, and Harrisburg, PA. And, my friends, let’s be truthful, sometimes those things count. Enough to distract for a while, at least. Sometimes you check into a hotel paid for by the company and are pleasantly surprised by its grandiosity. Sometimes you think about your job and your life and your work conversations, your friends that you like at work and the funny times you’ve had, and it makes it okay. You make each morning manageable, then you make each afternoon manageable. And suddenly, four years have gone by and you’re still not convinced you want to be there.

What makes people feel secure, really? It is routine that enforces security. Knowing that you have the same answer to that question each day, and can continue to have that answer if you continue holding up your end of the deal. I’ve been holding up that end of the deal since I was fifteen, always worrying about money. Worrying that if I asked for too much, my family wouldn’t be able to afford anything. I'm serious. So scared of not having anything that my first job was almost a gift, a way of knowing that my independence and my wants would never come at the expense of anyone else but me.

Part of my leaving is the need to separate my life from it’s foundation of what security has come to represent for me. I need to eliminate that variable. I’m going to do this.