the cat was good today. even with multiple sources of overstimulation in the form of visiting relatives waving her cat dancer and green ribbons in front of her, and petting her the wrong way, and placing tempting feet with wiggling toes in her path, she didn't take a swipe at anyone. she hid under the sheet of red cellophane that housed my aunt's bright-orange gap jacket, she gamely lunged out after the dancer or prudently ignored it, she adored my aunt's gift box by rubbing against it but refrained from chewing, she even let me cut her nails after everyone was gone and only nibbled me once on the thumb. i think she's maturing. this is a good sign.
finally got skype to work - this time on my laptop - and trev and i have been talking. it's nice to talk without one eye on the timer, stressing about how much its costing him or my sister's international calling account. skype is a good, good thing. looking forward to going back if only to see my favorite face for a few days before it heads back to bj.
three and a half more days of clean air...
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
passing the days
relax time for me is a mix of actual relaxation, plus an undercurrent of high-strung guiltiness about work. not working makes it hard for me to relax, but working is working. and aren't holidays all about not working? whatever. i never did deal well with stress and i think i'm just getting worse at it as i get older. terrible at drawing boundaries.
yesterday was the outlets and today was 4th street in berkeley. neither are major shopping destinations for the holidays, but tell that to the crowds we beat off. all i do is walk around and mentally compare the US with china. i marvel every five minutes as how lucky americans are. still, i think more and more that i'll be glad to leave china. i know living in the states is insular and we're ungrateful and wasteful and wealthy and use too many plastic water bottles, but being in china is wearing thin. it's been less than 18 months, too. sure didn't last very long, eh? here at home i've gone running in the woods and walking around the neighborhood with my sister, there's clear sunlight and industry, it's all building up to the consensus that china is dirty and i don't want to go back. there's opportunity there, and i'm grateful for the experience, but right now i think about china and the only thing i do is feel irritated.
being an expat is a weird place to occupy. you have your criticisms about the society in which you were raised, and the one that you have temporarily adopted. you watch the american SUVs zoom by, see the kids drinking starbucks and carrying cell phones, buying piles of crap at target and claire's and using words like 'need' when discussing a seventh gray sweatshirt or new nikes. you sit in heated leather car seats and drive your dad's german-engineered car, revel in your boxes and boxes of 800-gram weight towels and frette bedding and the stacks of sweaters and belts and handbags and candles you blew your paychecks on. you think about these things and wonder where you fit in now with these luxury items and a newly minted conscience. where would you be if you hadn't spent so much money on things that just take up space now, that didn't enrich your life or those around you but sure made you happy when you wore new outfits to work for 4 days in a row. you spend 45 minutes in calvin klein, trying everything you can but walking out with nothing thanks to your new china size and your new china frugality. am i really going to be one of those women that drive around in a minivan with an armchair-sized ass encased in terrycloth sweatpants? and when i am, will i look at myself and care? will i just write all this shit down on some free blog service and forget about it once i'm back in a place where i can drink tap water and buy designer bath products for my dog?
i really don't know. all of these thoughts - i'm not exactly fraught with them but i am aware - dance around and i wonder where it'll all settle out. what will be the end-product of it all. i'm ok with it going absolutely nowhere, i understand that stepping outside of consumerism - even just mentally - makes me a weirdo here. mostly i think i'll just have flashes of conscience like i do now, will likely write them down, then turn back to my peets cup with my organically-shampooed dog snoring beside me, wonder what to eat for dinner, and move on.
i read in the chronicle today that front-page article about yusef bey and his followers. i think about chauncey bailey and the obvious implication that the death of the journalist and the bey party are linked. i think about what it would be like to be walking around downtown oakland in broad daylight, maybe thinking about lunch or that stupid email you got from a colleague or your kid's shoes for god's sake, and getting killed with that unimportant thought still in your head. maybe food still in your teeth or that stain on your tie. it makes me feel so aware of how important life is, but unable to act out how to demonstrate that. appreciate every moment? hug your mom? recycle and reuse? spend holidays in soup kitchens or donate more money? go to museums? become vegan? demonstrate at rallies? lose that weight?
yesterday was the outlets and today was 4th street in berkeley. neither are major shopping destinations for the holidays, but tell that to the crowds we beat off. all i do is walk around and mentally compare the US with china. i marvel every five minutes as how lucky americans are. still, i think more and more that i'll be glad to leave china. i know living in the states is insular and we're ungrateful and wasteful and wealthy and use too many plastic water bottles, but being in china is wearing thin. it's been less than 18 months, too. sure didn't last very long, eh? here at home i've gone running in the woods and walking around the neighborhood with my sister, there's clear sunlight and industry, it's all building up to the consensus that china is dirty and i don't want to go back. there's opportunity there, and i'm grateful for the experience, but right now i think about china and the only thing i do is feel irritated.
being an expat is a weird place to occupy. you have your criticisms about the society in which you were raised, and the one that you have temporarily adopted. you watch the american SUVs zoom by, see the kids drinking starbucks and carrying cell phones, buying piles of crap at target and claire's and using words like 'need' when discussing a seventh gray sweatshirt or new nikes. you sit in heated leather car seats and drive your dad's german-engineered car, revel in your boxes and boxes of 800-gram weight towels and frette bedding and the stacks of sweaters and belts and handbags and candles you blew your paychecks on. you think about these things and wonder where you fit in now with these luxury items and a newly minted conscience. where would you be if you hadn't spent so much money on things that just take up space now, that didn't enrich your life or those around you but sure made you happy when you wore new outfits to work for 4 days in a row. you spend 45 minutes in calvin klein, trying everything you can but walking out with nothing thanks to your new china size and your new china frugality. am i really going to be one of those women that drive around in a minivan with an armchair-sized ass encased in terrycloth sweatpants? and when i am, will i look at myself and care? will i just write all this shit down on some free blog service and forget about it once i'm back in a place where i can drink tap water and buy designer bath products for my dog?
i really don't know. all of these thoughts - i'm not exactly fraught with them but i am aware - dance around and i wonder where it'll all settle out. what will be the end-product of it all. i'm ok with it going absolutely nowhere, i understand that stepping outside of consumerism - even just mentally - makes me a weirdo here. mostly i think i'll just have flashes of conscience like i do now, will likely write them down, then turn back to my peets cup with my organically-shampooed dog snoring beside me, wonder what to eat for dinner, and move on.
i read in the chronicle today that front-page article about yusef bey and his followers. i think about chauncey bailey and the obvious implication that the death of the journalist and the bey party are linked. i think about what it would be like to be walking around downtown oakland in broad daylight, maybe thinking about lunch or that stupid email you got from a colleague or your kid's shoes for god's sake, and getting killed with that unimportant thought still in your head. maybe food still in your teeth or that stain on your tie. it makes me feel so aware of how important life is, but unable to act out how to demonstrate that. appreciate every moment? hug your mom? recycle and reuse? spend holidays in soup kitchens or donate more money? go to museums? become vegan? demonstrate at rallies? lose that weight?
Monday, December 17, 2007
homey loo
finally getting a handle on this jetlag. arrived home last week, and have conducted a rather extensive food tour of my favorite spots since the plane touched down. tartine, immediately after the airport. (a big shopping break at jeremy's - armani jacket and gucci sweater, 3 pairs of shoes.) pho for lunch at ao sen on e12th. dins with the village, korean bbq. since then, we've conquered more vietnamese, da bi no at my pah pah's house, tonight is burritos. me and grandma. it's on. right now she's getting her grub on with the almond chocolate pocky we bought her yesterday.
besides my tummy, the doggie has been benefiting rather nicely from my return. walks twice a day, nighttime runs. she seems to appreciate it. the cat, another story. her fat ass is so plumpy for the generous hand my mom has with her food. she's only getting one scoop a day from me, and she's not happy about it. she's wearing so much fat under her fur, she looks like a plushy snow leopard. without the fast and agile part.
saturday was lively. met up for dinner with former work peeps and their extended friends. drinks at casanova - $19 for a guinness, a pbr, a shot of jim beam, a sapphire tonic, and a belvedere cran? we're going back! - went for a couple hours, bumped into another few coworkers, then off to some lame joint in the marina. i promptly got rejected for my lack of ID (damn it. driver's license no longer lives in the wallet! no need for it in china) so jenn and erik and i sought out irish coffees at perry's. heavy on the irish, my friends. very very heavy. we almost couldn't finish them. jenn swears the guy used one shot of espresso for the three of us.
after perry's we headed late-night to the aquarium. running around at 4 am in the aquarium? petting the sea turtle. having giant sea bass swim up to us. the touchpool with starfish and abalone and anemone! sticky tentacles.
btw - i love berkeley bowl. about $100-worth of love.
besides my tummy, the doggie has been benefiting rather nicely from my return. walks twice a day, nighttime runs. she seems to appreciate it. the cat, another story. her fat ass is so plumpy for the generous hand my mom has with her food. she's only getting one scoop a day from me, and she's not happy about it. she's wearing so much fat under her fur, she looks like a plushy snow leopard. without the fast and agile part.
saturday was lively. met up for dinner with former work peeps and their extended friends. drinks at casanova - $19 for a guinness, a pbr, a shot of jim beam, a sapphire tonic, and a belvedere cran? we're going back! - went for a couple hours, bumped into another few coworkers, then off to some lame joint in the marina. i promptly got rejected for my lack of ID (damn it. driver's license no longer lives in the wallet! no need for it in china) so jenn and erik and i sought out irish coffees at perry's. heavy on the irish, my friends. very very heavy. we almost couldn't finish them. jenn swears the guy used one shot of espresso for the three of us.
after perry's we headed late-night to the aquarium. running around at 4 am in the aquarium? petting the sea turtle. having giant sea bass swim up to us. the touchpool with starfish and abalone and anemone! sticky tentacles.
btw - i love berkeley bowl. about $100-worth of love.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
hot orange soda
just saw a relatively narsty 'comment.' may have to start screening my peeps. none of this porno shit.
so last night was long, an office night, but always tempered by the presence of others. the whole of the graphics team, no less. at around 8:30 one of the kids developed a hankering for macdonald's and called for delivery. (for those stateside, macdonald's delivers all over the damn place in asia.) they refused, however, to deliver to my office, so christine, out of desperation, took a cab to nanjing and picked the order up herself.
spicy chicken sandwiches never tasted so good. the funny and notable 'i-live-in-asia' moment arrived with the drinks. kenny had placed the phone order ahead of time, and i asked for a coke, but what arrived were what looked like coffee cups, each in their own plastic bag. hot drinks. i sniffed several and they all smelled citrusy. i'm thinking, hot orange soda. great. but it actually turned out to be pretty good. not soda, more like tea with pomelo juice. there were actual pieces of pomelo pulp on the bottom (not to be confused with grapefruit, because, in the words of frank but altering the meaning, pomelos are IMMENSE).
so anyway, i'm going home tomorrow. HOME HOME HOME. land of the good food and somewhat clean air and all dat shit. i can't wait. i'm bringing home 4 coats - courtesy of my sister and cousin - and hella work shit and a smidge of clothes for myself. i spent the evening packing and now i'm considering meeting the girls out at some event on moganshan. some artsy fartsy business.
why am i craving macdonald's? that's just wrong.
so last night was long, an office night, but always tempered by the presence of others. the whole of the graphics team, no less. at around 8:30 one of the kids developed a hankering for macdonald's and called for delivery. (for those stateside, macdonald's delivers all over the damn place in asia.) they refused, however, to deliver to my office, so christine, out of desperation, took a cab to nanjing and picked the order up herself.
spicy chicken sandwiches never tasted so good. the funny and notable 'i-live-in-asia' moment arrived with the drinks. kenny had placed the phone order ahead of time, and i asked for a coke, but what arrived were what looked like coffee cups, each in their own plastic bag. hot drinks. i sniffed several and they all smelled citrusy. i'm thinking, hot orange soda. great. but it actually turned out to be pretty good. not soda, more like tea with pomelo juice. there were actual pieces of pomelo pulp on the bottom (not to be confused with grapefruit, because, in the words of frank but altering the meaning, pomelos are IMMENSE).
so anyway, i'm going home tomorrow. HOME HOME HOME. land of the good food and somewhat clean air and all dat shit. i can't wait. i'm bringing home 4 coats - courtesy of my sister and cousin - and hella work shit and a smidge of clothes for myself. i spent the evening packing and now i'm considering meeting the girls out at some event on moganshan. some artsy fartsy business.
why am i craving macdonald's? that's just wrong.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
silver bells
man it took me a long time to gain access to blogger tonight. good thing i have work to distract me from the long load times :)
i got some 'comment' from what looks like a german website. may i ask why fools spam your ass in a different language than that which you speak (or in this case, write?). not only are they ignored because they're rude enough to send spam, but they're double ignored because they send german spam. probably latched onto the one german word or phrase i have on here and decided it was worth the risk.
what's new... not too much. decided that i need to learn to stay my ass at home. sherry and i are way too used to calling each other up at the end of the day, or sending 'what time you off???' messages to each other, our secret code language for, 'let's get our eat on!' which ensures both of us spending money we don't need to spend, plus me staying out hella late when i should be jumping my ass on the bus around 8:45 (i rolled in at 10:45 this morning. for the love of god what is wrong with me) in the morning, meaning that i should be asleep right about now. and also it tends to drive this habit of eating really late at night, which is no good for the digestion or the waistline. and though i struggled so much with this last year around xmas, i really AM looking forward to going home next week and hiking with the doggy or running by the ocean. the likelihood is higher this time, esp since my cousin and sister are all gung-ho walkers now. around the lake, in the hills, whatever. i'm going to make them make me do it. i can still fall asleep on the floor in front of the fireplace with my dad and the dog, but this time it needs to be after a long stroll or run. capice?
i am super babbling.
went to a trial mandarin class today. i will start early jan, but i wanted to make sure i liked the institution and the system before committing. survey says... i'm relatively impressed. the lessons ain't cheap, but it is quite professional, and the class i sat in on (only one student) was quite good. the teacher included me in the convo as much as the student, and made me talk a lot. that's good. i need an ass-kicker type to motivate me, or i run all over your ass. additional bonus - it's always a relief to hear a non-shanghainese person speak mandarin. shanghainese-tinged mandarin is a mushmouth, oddly-accented, very confusing sound for the beginning mandarin speaker. i do not lie.
time for bed.
i got some 'comment' from what looks like a german website. may i ask why fools spam your ass in a different language than that which you speak (or in this case, write?). not only are they ignored because they're rude enough to send spam, but they're double ignored because they send german spam. probably latched onto the one german word or phrase i have on here and decided it was worth the risk.
what's new... not too much. decided that i need to learn to stay my ass at home. sherry and i are way too used to calling each other up at the end of the day, or sending 'what time you off???' messages to each other, our secret code language for, 'let's get our eat on!' which ensures both of us spending money we don't need to spend, plus me staying out hella late when i should be jumping my ass on the bus around 8:45 (i rolled in at 10:45 this morning. for the love of god what is wrong with me) in the morning, meaning that i should be asleep right about now. and also it tends to drive this habit of eating really late at night, which is no good for the digestion or the waistline. and though i struggled so much with this last year around xmas, i really AM looking forward to going home next week and hiking with the doggy or running by the ocean. the likelihood is higher this time, esp since my cousin and sister are all gung-ho walkers now. around the lake, in the hills, whatever. i'm going to make them make me do it. i can still fall asleep on the floor in front of the fireplace with my dad and the dog, but this time it needs to be after a long stroll or run. capice?
i am super babbling.
went to a trial mandarin class today. i will start early jan, but i wanted to make sure i liked the institution and the system before committing. survey says... i'm relatively impressed. the lessons ain't cheap, but it is quite professional, and the class i sat in on (only one student) was quite good. the teacher included me in the convo as much as the student, and made me talk a lot. that's good. i need an ass-kicker type to motivate me, or i run all over your ass. additional bonus - it's always a relief to hear a non-shanghainese person speak mandarin. shanghainese-tinged mandarin is a mushmouth, oddly-accented, very confusing sound for the beginning mandarin speaker. i do not lie.
time for bed.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
sunday nights
heroes, season 2 marathon.
one soma for my muscle twinge. floating around for a while, but now i think i'm back down to earth.
what else is going on... work work work. today i had a wonderful day off and we spent it eating rou si mian and tang bao next door, and running around looking for handmade shoes places (mr. billy still looks the best), and buying tangerines, and walking in the cold air. thank god for weekends. yesterday i took the afternoon off and we watched the pie-eating contest at kommune then decompressed with some serious shopping. uniqlo is the bomb, but you have to go to the 'dong where the big one is. happily sporting new pseudo fair isle sweater and there's a bagful of other stuff waiting to be worn this week.
aaahhh. retail therapy is the BEST.
one soma for my muscle twinge. floating around for a while, but now i think i'm back down to earth.
what else is going on... work work work. today i had a wonderful day off and we spent it eating rou si mian and tang bao next door, and running around looking for handmade shoes places (mr. billy still looks the best), and buying tangerines, and walking in the cold air. thank god for weekends. yesterday i took the afternoon off and we watched the pie-eating contest at kommune then decompressed with some serious shopping. uniqlo is the bomb, but you have to go to the 'dong where the big one is. happily sporting new pseudo fair isle sweater and there's a bagful of other stuff waiting to be worn this week.
aaahhh. retail therapy is the BEST.
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