and i'm not done yet

you thought there would be an end to the bitching?

think again!

zow!

bam!

poof!

i am having doubts about my decisions. and yes, little cricket, there are times when we are not certain that the paths we have taken are leading us to the place where we want to be.

(random question: where do we want to be? in 5 years? in 10? the only thing i can say for certain is that i don't want to be blogging about financial worries in 10 years. if i am, someone find me and put me out of my misery.)

where do you want to be in 5 years? in 10?

isn't that something that financial planners always ask you? what you envision for yourself in the future? no one i know actually goes for the picket fence routine, probably something closer to the duplex-in-noe valley routine with some trendy car and a huge expendable income and some nifty-ass household appliances and throw pillows in clever prints tossed oh-so-lightheartedly around the joint.

am i calling my friends and associates yuppies? shit, my bad.

but don't lie, you always wanted one of those shiny, pretty stainless steel kitchens filled with sub-zeros and kitchen aides (the professional grade) and the automatic nespressos. you might be in it wearing raggy, torn shit (flip flops and socks and... sweatpants) or sporting piercings and ink, but underneath all of the keepin-it-real fantasies, we all want a comfortable life. we want access to good things and the knowledge that our kids (should we choose to accept) are going to be well-informed, straight of teeth, future berkeley bowl shoppers with good leftist politics.

i admit it. but those of you that know me well aren't surprised. first thing i have always been was materialistic. isn't that what got me chained to the retail career in the first place? the lust for the discount?

alright, i tire of this lame tirade. it's getting limp.

i'm going to wager a bet with... myself. i've been here since february 27. and it's now almost april. (wtf?! that's a long fuggin time.) i'm going to bet that i'm going to be here until april 9. making my stay here in the motherland (GOD i hate that word) 41 days, en totale.

rather staggering. i left lil ol' shanghai february 17. it's going to be damn near summer when i get back.

if i get back. (oh, ye of little faith, i will always accuse doth glass of being half empty... or some shit. did i say i studied shakespeare? i lied.)

now i'm just delirious. little cricket is going to cheung leung and maybe read a book.