taco night again. overstimulation.
sometimes, despite how much you love someone, there can be too much of that one person. i don't know why i work the way i do, but i function so much better when i have space to breathe. i am a better person for it, avoiding people and noise and social interaction when i'm just too tired to function under the weight of it. it's not an issue of physical fatigue - it's the emotional burden of shouldering simple social dynamics, even with people i am friends with and enjoy being around. when i feel like i've reached the end of my rope - however that happens, in whatever capacity - i really just don't have a good time when i'm around people, no matter how beloved. there's just too much going on, too much noise, too many undercurrents, too many careless comments that sting just a little or are just a tad inappropriate. i feel tired from catching and reacting to all of these little things, feeling uncomfortable for that person or trying to rescue that conversation from heading down that path. it's just exacerbated when people are drunk and i'm not. it's not my responsibility to save anything, but i think when you're the type that's wired to notice everything, you can't help but feel like you should.
in moods like that i just need to be at home, alone or with someone who knows how to be silent, writing or reading perez or doing anything but having to think about my behavior within the confines of society and how to act and what's right and what's wrong. at the end of some weeks, it's just too much. it's too hard. i am listening to john mayer and pretending that i'm on an island with my laptop and a mysterious outlet that's popped out of the sand. because we all know vaios have shit for battery life.
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