such a lovely sounding grouping of words. one forgets that it refers to the somewhat unsettling concept of the afterlife, a final resting place for deserving souls, and not to the more modern concept of paradise.
while i certainly hope my grandmother is resting somewhere beautiful, where stand-in grandchildren bring her tea and cakes and massage her feet with lotion, i feel for myself there is no there there. (she would probably prefer somewhere noisy and filled with food smells and actual foods and a blaring cantonese-language tv program.) another reason concepts like heavens and green pastures were invented by the living - we need to feel that there was a higher reason for our loss, and like to lazily believe in the existence of lush fields, galloping horses, floating angels and other emotional associations with beauty and peace. the souls themselves could actually prefer sharper realities, like the funkiness of durian on a hot night, to spending eternity in a silky white robe, playing the harp.
been kind of mulling over the concept in the back of my mind tonight, thinking about my elysium fields. oddly enough, thinking long and hard on that blasted elliptical machine that i'm shamefully loyal to. there's not much else to do when your ipod is out of battery and an amateurish and actually quite nauseating cooking show is on tv while you sweat your way to penitence. as i work to be good and smart and faithful, will the shit just not matter in the end? i just want to say, 'fuck it' and be completely bad ass, bad and terrible all rolled into one.
it's just the lack of sleep talking. you probably don't understand what i'm trying to discuss with myself, and i don't blame you.
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