got an email from shawn today about his goings-on about town in chicago. he mentioned that he had dinner with this brother-in-law and one of his friends, who works for accenture and that accenture wants to break into the china market. my first thought? hire ME!
what's that all about? i preach almost daily about how i'm here because it affords me the ability to not have my nose to the grindstone like it would be if i were at home, and that i can work on my writing out here without stressing about my mortgage and getting my nails did to keep up with mrs. jones... but there's this compulsion in me that still lusts for the paycheck.
i mean, i figure i've got a decent amount of work experience under my belt and i can probably command a decent salary with a good company. and i do these things where i fantasize about having a beautiful apartment in the french concession in one of the lane houses, and i see other expats throwing money around china like it's nothing and sometimes i think, that could be me.
and then i shake myself and wonder why i thought that. i left all of that behind in the bay area. i mean, sure, i still go for the occasional facial and mani pedi, but i really have not engaged in consumerism here like i do at home. part of it, of course, is the fact that i'm not pulling down a fraction of what i used to make. but the rest of it is because of the sick addiction i have for owning things, wanting the best, always dreaming of something better is quelled here. i realized how insane i'd gotten once i arrived in china and there really just wasn't anything i wanted to buy. my temptations removed, i could then realize that i don't need those things, that i'm not any better off with perfect toenails and new clothes every week. silence the beast.
i still waver. daily. today i woke up and wanted to work for accenture. tomorrow - or perhaps later today - i will realize how good i have it and will have an episode about how happy i am to not be in an office 40+ hours a week. i have a feeling that this week i'm going to be a little aggravated because it's may holiday starting tomorrow and i won't be getting any emails back for another week about story pitches that i sent out... which will make me nervous about my income and i will subsequently get all riled up and want to work at a 'regular' job where i don't have to worry about this stuff.
tranquilo....
(at the very least, at 29 i can now predict how insane i'm going to be. 5 years ago i'd just be reacting and freaking out.)
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