intimidator transformer

at one point during the night, jason turned to me mid-story and was like, 'you know you're really scary, right? like, one of the most intimidating people on this planet.'

uh, no, actually. i thought i left that all behind in my callow and misspent youth. that was kind of sad for me to hear - i make an effort (okay, sometimes) to appear non-scary and friendly and all that shit, but i think people see through my act. the bluntness, the directness, the inability (and disinterest) in bullshitting. i invest time in meeting a person and getting to know them and i want depth. like, immediately. if you're going to bullshit me or smalltalk me, depending on how i feel about you in general, i'll either tune you out completely and you cease to exist, or i get the tunnel vision of feeling pressured in a social situation and start to do erratic and odd things. like completely lose my personality and warp into this oatmeal-mush-super-lame person. ugh. how we want to avoid that.

so i'm in bed at 11:23 and i take that to be a good sign. kayi and i hit up our cantonese mothership, hengshan cafe, and had a wonderful, soulful meal that our moms didn't make but could've. okay, maybe not that good, but it was decent enough. having canto food rights the world, sets it back on its feet, restores me. i got dinged at my attempt to attend a yoga class again for reasons i refuse to disclose but ended up lecturing the reception about for approximately 4.2 minutes. plus my stupid membership expired today so now i have to figure out where the hell i'm going to be living soon so i can decide what to do. back pain dictates yoga and not a gym, but now there are a ton of options once i'm free of living in the burbs. decisions, decisions.

spent the first 5-ish hours of my day at the studio in a meeting. yes, singular. they do quite the marathon meeting, my company folk. then in the car on the way to the office, i apparently decided that the world had enough of me and treated christine to an unconscious version of me. she was probably glad for the quiet, as i'd been babbling about program names and brand identity and consistency all damn morning. maybe she roofie'd me to get me to shut up. whatever. at any rate, i woke up and briefly panicked about having been asleep, then rolled my head the other direction and slept until we pulled up on the bund. sometimes i do thank god for traffic.

and now we sleep.