ridiculous tired

when i was in college, i remember just being so busy all of the time. studying, working, sports, family, friends, parties. i didn't do a lot of the stereotypical slacker gen-x shit, i guess because there just wasn't time. at one point i went to the doctor for this fucked-up permacough, and i mentioned frequent blackouts or grayouts, sometime while standing, sometimes while getting up. i was house-sitting once and studying on the sofa and got up to do something, then woke up i think when my head hit the hardwood floor. i remember thinking, what the hell just hit me on the head? my doctor just said, 'i think it's just that you're burning the candle at both ends. try to take it easy.'

that's cool. thanks, doc.

so i decided it was time to quit my job last year when i blacked out briefly on an escalator and nearly took the entire BART commuter crowd with me. at least i think that's what happened. falling out of your shoes and waking up with your face on a grater-like escalator step is a good indicator that you need a break. this time, i listened, and it was lovely. just great.

why, though? there are tons of people who work much harder and longer and i dare say don't do the same, rather embarrassing, potentially dangerous, dramatic tumbles to the ground. it's a weakness.

so, with the new jay-oh-bee, one of the ends of the candle will eventually need to be extinguished. seeing the sun rise and then having to think coherently a few hours later do not mix. the first couple of days, fine. but it's been around 2 weeks and i'm starting to feel the mental awning start to draw over my 360 degree world. (although i will venture to say that falling down an escalator in china might actually be a better experience than in the states - there's no sense of space here, so the people are pretty packed in and will probably make for a nice, squishy landing. but i'm not planning on doing that again, so i suppose my theory will go untested.)