written 7/9/06:
A lot of leaving has to do with letting go. I feel that I’ve been so focused on success – what success means, I’m still not sure, but it had to do with getting more money this year than I got last year – that I forgot about what it was I gravitated naturally towards when left to my own devices. What I’d think about periodically was an article I read in ‘National Geographic’ some time ago about a people that lived in some wholly exotic jungle. Anthropologists had studied these people and determined that the amount of hours that each member contributed towards a livelihood – that is, food, shelter, relative safety – totaled approximately four hours a day (you’ll forgive the lack of details and bibliography – it’s past 5 AM and I’ve been drinking) whereas the average American devotes about 10+ hours to the same end. So what if their diet may include insects and they perhaps think that a nose pierced with bone is pretty cool? Half of us have random piercings anyway.
I decided that after 28 years, I would give in and join this fan club. I’ve been alarmingly obsessed with this band recently – the world ‘band’ being relatively new to my vocabulary in the first place – and have been secretly googling them and haunting their website and re-playing their videos on mtv.com… it’s embarrassing but kind of fun. It’s the teenager I never let exist. The funniest part to me is that I never let a ‘band’ enter my repertoire as a teenager. I was pretty much a hip hop girl and now at 28, finally admitting that I’ve always had a penchant for dark-haired boys in eyeliner, well, it’s just interesting and rather hilarious. You should check them out – they fucking rock – although I’m not positive I’m listening to rock . The songs involve some screaming. I was pretty alarmed by that when I first heard it, but you kinda get used to it and now I’m on their forums like all the other 18-year olds in Missouri and Texas and Las Cruces, New Mexico. www.afireinside.net. Release that inner teenager, man.
Pay the $39.99 and get your t-shirt and wrist band and sticker or whatever the hell.
One of the things that I am fascinated by – besides the fact that they live in Oakland and East Bay, holla! – is the fact the band is vegetarian and vegan. What is THAT all about? A couple of them are sXe – fucking straight-edge. No booze, no drugs. Have I ever met someone like that? I worked with this lady at the library whose teenage son was into that scene… but how the hell you manage? Is caffeine a drug? What do you do when you smell pork chops cookin? Is soy a sustainable option? I’ve been around a fair share of vegans – I am a Berkeley Co-op alum – but no one that actually avoided ALL the deadly sins. Most of the vegans I knew were busy shoving coke up their noses and gobbling down shrooms and MDMH like no other. I’m no stranger to staving off of things I don’t believe in – religion being one – but my god (pun intended… sort of. Caught in editing at least.). I couldn’t have avoided bomb if I wore a fucking helmet and hockey mask throughout my high school years.
The sun’s coming up – I need to sleep to be worth a damn tomorrow. Packing.
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