not dead, just resting

yes, so it has been nearly five months since i last posted. completely unintentional. i wasn't busy so much as trying to stay busy, i suppose. there were bouts of busy-ness in there. maybe three or four.


kind of ruminating about whether i should start another web presence. i arrived at an idea yesterday about blogging about wedding planning, not because the world needs another wedding blog (and when has that ever stopped a girl from blogging about her wedding?) but because some people honestly don't know where to start, and some of those people i know personally, and a lot of times i am one. also, i am the wedding anti-christ and i am still going to have a wedding, which i thought might be fun to write about. (notice how i didn't say read about?)


i took down my personal work portfolio a few months ago because my dreamhost subscription ran out and i have been mildly aware that posting full stories online really just invites plagiarism. i also just wasn't into seeing how stale my work was becoming.


so why a web presence? i like to blog, first and foremost. and second, this blog is mostly a secret or a url that many people have forgotten, and i like it that way, but i do want a website i can send to potential clients or whathaveyou that won't reveal how i feel about lentils or how many times i can use the word, FUCK, in a post. 


when i talk to friends or chat with former classmates online, i tend to get this sort of proxy wistfulness. like, CAROLYN, you are such a good writer, you should actually be doing shit. that essentially functions to make me feel like a lazy turd, or a failure. i haven't gotten a real job here, and therefore am a turd. AND a failure, i guess. but maybe blogging would give me a sense of purpose? i don't know. it probably won't.


what i would like to do is put out some online essays about china. one reason is because china is crazy. another reason is because i live in china and that consumes most aspects of my life. so i'm kind of considering that, as well. what makes me hesitant is that there is so much out there on china right now, and it kind of falls under either "rabid china news coverage" or "personal china experience" when i don't really want to do either, wholly.

a cautionary tale

a quick post before heading out to meet the girls for an extravagant meal (more on that later) - i've been catching up on my paul carr reading and can i tell you, it's always entertaining. 


a bit about why i enjoy reading paul carr's effusive blathering, and it's completely self-serving: i feel like he is a male, recovering alcoholic version of me, if i were british and getting paid to write columns about absolutely nothing for such piddly news providers as tech crunch and the guardian.


i also like that he hails from the old school of journalism, meaning he's attached to things like accuracy and says that people should read the news because its important, but finds nothing wrong about writing about absolute, utter pointlessness. i like that in a person i've never met. i like reading brutally honest takes on his dating life and getting fired from every job he's ever had and probably a bit too much about his alcoholism.


that said, off i go.

back on the online grind

so today i got back in touch with a friend of a friend who was interested in the fact that i went to J school and more importantly that i was trained in business reporting, and asked if i had a blog since he's an avid business news consumer. 


that dreaded cloak of shame dropped over my head again because, really, if i want to be a writer i really need to be relevant on the topics that i will cover, and i've taken a really long break from it. since september i haven't been a subscriber to the wall street journal, and since september i've really ignored the business news world. but reality is hitting again, and i have to gird my loins and start spending hours online every day, re-tweeting and shit. i have this hot-cold relationship with online media. i'm either all about it, all the time, or i completely ignore everything related to news for months. 


so my dilemma is this: do i start blogging on my current domain, or succumb to temptation and start a tumblr blog? i fall victim to the newest thing all the time in the blog world, which is why i've paid the price so many times. it's a personality quirk that is probably why technology keeps me interested - there's always something newer and better, and i like that. i keep blogger as a secret journal that's accessible to those who can find me, but one of the reasons i think i've stayed with blogger is because i'm not subjected to the public eye, just the three or so friends who actually read it once in a while, so it can be scruffy and low-tech. i don't need to show off multimedia skills, just pour my brain into a 300-word post.


i have to dive back into the digital rabbit hole. he's right, i know it, it's time to get back into the game.

i can do it, i can do it

reaching the home stretch in the re-write of the story that has dominated my last quarter. i mean literally dominated, because it's my master's thesis, in a way. it's the journalist take on a master's thesis. the last step in my professor's 10-step re-write guidelines (eight of which i have ignored) is to open a blank document and re-write the entire fucking thing without cutting and pasting. i've reached the last section and i just had lunch in order to give myself the mental energy to do this shit. it's been a solid three hours of concentration, which for me and my gnat's brain (thanks, internet!) is a goddamned miracle nowadays.

it's moments of mental clutter and exhaustion that i wish i was religious or that i meditated or some shit. i have crap for tools to clear my head. i feel like i need an energy injection right to the brain. if i was religious, i like to think, i could just get down on my knees and pray for some sort of brain cleaning. i've actually tried to pray, not today but some other time, and my mind wandered and i felt like an ass speaking quietly in my mind to someone that doesn't exist to me. i've also tried to meditate, but that shit was harder than hell and i think i'd rather just finish my story then have to try that again.

so i went and did the closest thing - boiled some water and made some strong, plain black tea. that'll clear the shit out of the frozen trader joe's pizza flavor i have in my mouth, at least. let's hear it for the final push!

argh. help.

on writing

i had an interesting conversation tonight which made me want to type further about it. yesterday, when my story was filed, i felt mostly ok about the fact that my lede and nut graf were re-written by my professor, joe, who emphasizes clarity over elegance. i like to strive for both, but probably write with less clarity than elegance. whatever. no biggie.

talking to a friend tonight about another classmate's writing, which she described as 'very narrative' - something she admired. something flashed in my head - not quite fully formed enough to be a thought, more like a determined note to myself in fetus form. i know that i'm losing my voice, to a certain extent, in being shaped to write hard news, but this bothers me less than it does others. i just don't care. there's no space for beauty in hard news ledes, you need to be clear and straightforward and present the facts. i think it's a good exercise for me, as i tend towards the willy-nilly school of getting to the point. but i think i can make a stronger case for retaining a sense of me. i need to stop rolling over during edits for the sake of getting the FUCK out of the newsroom before another massive headache comes on. 

i re-read the story i wrote yesterday (ok, i really just skimmed the first couple grafs) and it didn't sound like something i'd written, mainly because it wasn't. and it didn't bother me so much as made me decide that i should publish things i've written and be able to recognize the damn things, right? right. this i will work on. this i want to do.

off to bed.

a note about today

so, today was productive. i got a story idea just before noon from my professor, joe, reported the shit out of it and produced a story by around 4 p.m. i was impressed with myself. it involves a local manufacturer's role in the gulf oil spill cleanup efforts, so i was able to reach the manufacturer, the coast guard and BP in the span of a few hours, which was lucky.

joe was heavy-handed in editing the lede and nut grafs (the first paragraph and the 'graph with "the point" of the story) which i don't love, honestly. i put a lot of thought into word selection, i emphasize flow and language, and he emphasizes clarity. as he should, i suppose. anyway, enjoy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

photo credit: BP p.l.c.

Nalco supplies dispersant for oil cleanup effort 

May 11, 2010

Naperville-based Nalco Holding Co. is keeping up with the need for its chemical dispersant in attacking the huge oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

The dispersant has been sprayed multiple times a day, a total of more than 325,000 gallons so far, over the oil spreading on the surface. On Monday the Environmental Protection Agency also conducted its third test of the chemical on the ocean floor, according to the Coast Guard.

The dispersant, called COREXIT, is being tested both for effectiveness and for impact on the Gulf’s water ecology.

The effect of using such a large amount of dispersant is unknown, according to Coast Guard spokesman David Mosley. The impact on sea life is a primary concern for the EPA in continuing tests.

COREXIT is a proprietary chemical compound made of organic sulfonic acid salts, a surfactant, and propylene glycol, a solvent, which breaks the oil into small droplets, making it digestible to ocean bacteria.

COREXIT is being transported via air from stock points around the world and via truck from Nalco’s Texas plant.

“We have been working very hard with our suppliers to get the raw materials,” said Nalco spokesman Charlie Pajor. “We have sufficient production capacity, so that is not a problem.”
The company declined to state the revenues generated from COREXIT shipments in the quarter, but stated that material information would be reported as required to the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Nalco maintains that the dispersant underwent strenuous testing by the EPA before being approved for oil spill cleanups.

Applying the dispersant is one of many efforts made to lessen the impact of the gushing deep-water oil well spilling an estimated 5,000 barrels per day into the Gulf of Mexico. The leak was caused by an April 20 drilling rig explosion, which killed 11 people and sank the rig owned by Transocean Ltd. The deepwater well is located about 45 miles from Venice, La.

Nalco has shipped all available inventory to the cleanup site, and reported that it was receiving “great support” by its suppliers in turning around as much of the compound as quickly as possible, according to its chairman and CEO, Erik Fyrwald, during an interview by CNBC last Monday.

“Our focus is not on the business impact of this. Our only focus is to supporting BP and the government agencies in dealing with this crisis as best we can,” said Fyrwald. “This is a crisis that we all want to help make sure comes to a positive end.”

Nalco’s stock closed at $24.09 on Tuesday, down 0.21 percent or 5 cents after reaching a four-month high of $26.19 on May 3, which was the day CEO Fyrwald appeared on CNBC as well as on Fox Business News.

60 seconds

http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com/

cute idea. the topic for the day is "writing. if you had the opportunity to write as a career, what would you write?"

go!

i would write a human interest column in a paper or a well-respected blog. i would have the freedom to write about my pets as much as a cool design firm. it would be interesting, personal, and rooted in fact when it needed to be.

time's up!

lists

chatting with sherry this morning. the usual ball of creative energy that she is, her questions for me:

• so have you joined any clubs?
• why don't you get paid to write?
• did you go to the rally?

normally, i can confidently swat down any suggestions for me to harness my "talent" for anything useful or productive. but every now and then, a little voice - usually named "cyn" or "sherry" - tells me i need to shit or get off the pot. i'm afraid of a couple of things, namely:

1. whether turning a past time into a job will make me hate it
2. failure

the failure thing is a projection, too. i'm overly confident about myself in certain areas, and this is one of them. i fear failure because i probably should, not because i actually do.

anyway, just considering a couple of things for today, namely:

1. a new, much less personal blog that i can post on my multitude of social networking site profiles, mention on job applications, or whatnot. looking at the different hosting sites for this one. not because i'm unhappy with blogger, but it'd be nice to see what else is out there.
   
2. the other item i'm pondering is whether i should tell the business world to pound sand and instead start looking for blogs to contribute to and start my own writing shit. i'm crazy unmotivated on this one, but i can't deny this sneaking suspicion that keeps lurking in my noodle that i really actually kind of hate working in an office and having to wear this "aggressive" disguise to be "taken seriously" in the sort of jobs that i attract.

so those are my musings for this lovely monday in denver.