now that it's time for me to go to bed (interview tomorrow morning at 10 am), of course i'm sitting here avoiding it and finding all sorts of things to do online. i hate going to bed. i'm not sure why. i'm all brushed and flossed and washed up, so it's fairly easy: you get in bed.
must... procrastinate...
not really sure what to expect tomorrow. i'm not stressed about it (maybe i should be) because i have this notion that companies in china (unless you're talking about some big international corporation) won't require the same stresses that interviews in the US do. i could be totally wrong, and simply because i'm not preparing for this at all probably means i will be. it's for some part-time gig, which is what i'm looking for. i decided that yes, i do want to make this writing thing work, and yes, i still need to pay the bills. as a recent acquaintance stated, writing is definitely a labor of love. there's not a lot of money in it.
i don't even know what i'm going to wear. i don't have a lot of options, so it probably won't take too long tomorrow, but now i am glad i decided to pack a couple of button-downs when i moved out here. it seemed far-fetched at the time.
sort of contemplating things right now. cyn and i stayed up a long time on friday night talking about past relationship stuff. when you're first starting to get to know someone, it's so hard for me to make judgment calls. you want to be open-minded, but you don't want to lack standards. if there are qualities in a person that you respond to, but, let's say, he has no sense of style or just leads a really different lifestyle from your own, then when and where do you draw the line between acceptably different and not acceptably different? for me making those calls are really difficult, as past relationships have shown. trying to remain open-minded can really fuggin backfire.
and another question: when should friends step in? so many of us have been in relationships with guys or girls that our friends either have serious doubts about, or just outright can't stand. cyn argues that if she should - hypothetically - voice her concerns about the quality of whatever dude i'm seeing and i end up marrying the guy, then who is she to opine on our relationship or his personality or whatever it is that she may dislike? my argument is that sometimes you just need a reality check; relationships can get so involved that you lose your perspective on things. i know i have. certain people i absolutely respect and have no problems with them telling me something like, 'look, this dude is a tool and here's why' or 'you guys have a psychotic and unhealthy relationship.' ha ha. seriously, tho. cyn thinks it wouldn't be her place to say something like that, and i say it is. who other than your best friend and/or your sister to give you feedback? i need feedback. i swear i don't trust my instincts any more.
anyway. off to bed, for reals.
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