boys

this almost isn't for me. entirely. it's just kinda for my girls, the girls, all girls... and me.

i like to refer cryptically to shit like, 'life hits you with shit when you're least expecting it,' whatever. most of the time these comments - duh - refer to what's going on with the boys, in my life, in my friends' lives. i think that i think about it more here in stinkytown vs. back at home because everything - especially the boys - move so much faster. rapid-fire. can't ever claim that fools here waste time.

with the thoughts of one semi-brokenhearted friend haunting me today, i've been spending a lot of time thinking about this particular subject, in between meetings and proposals and stupid work shit. i won't say that i don't get boys, because i do. sometimes. (hint: they're generally bigger and dumber than girls.... and smellier.) i don't honestly think i'm that different, or that any girl is, although there are definitely some commonalities, generalizations one can draw across gender lines. sure. socially-designated, whatever you want to attribute it to (yes, i know that was a fragment). i think anyone with a logical head on her shoulders and half a brain can reason through why people do what they do. it's difficult to fathom, to digest, to accept, and therefore to understand why someone doesn't call you back, or why he's spacing out seeing you with staying at home picking his ass (or so he says), or why he talks daily to his ex. boys do all sort of stupid shit - girls do it, too. we've all cheated and been cheated on and had overlap and got dumped and dumped and were with someone for way too long and in love with the wrong person. we've all done this. why don't we pick up on our own behaviors when we were the ones cheating or lying or making excuses and apply it to the one we're in now? why not just skip all the pining and the heartache and the emotion? it fucking sucks and then it's all over and you feel like an idiot. it ranges from mild annoyance to the world is crashing down around you and you feel like your skin is on fire and that you might vomit.

i like to use logic to avoid emotion, personally.

cyn always has to remind me that people don't work that way. most don't, anyway. they're not robots. emotions make you super stupid. you feel giddy and that warm, weird, nervous excitement builds up when you're pulling into the driveway of his apartment and suddenly you're willing to do the most ridiculous things. there's someone out there for you that you absolutely will fall in love with, a person that you think about so much that you can't wait for the end of the work day until you can see him, someone who loves you more than life, a person you can see yourself with for a long time. we have to know this. but you can't proceed on that plank if you don't let reason and logic go, even if it's just a little bit at a time. sometimes you just have to have faith in risk and love and that this person is going to treat you like you want to treat him. and most times, you're so fucking wrong, but sometimes you're right and everything falls into place and his face appears in your head when you're outlining fourth quarter strategies to a room full of people.

it's the oddest thing.

so, to crystalize (oh... corporate lingo. we're back) my stupid rambling (how many times have i written 'stupid' in this entry?), i don't want anyone to be sad about the incongruencies of your life versus some dumbass guy you really like. as much as you want to hate him, he's probably a good person - he better be or you have issues - and something just isn't in the cards right now for you two. timing, as we all know, is a bitch. and unfortunately it's one of the biggest driving factors in relationships. so maybe the timing was off, maybe that's a far-too-universal explanation for him being an asshole, maybe you're the asshole, maybe the timing was great but he's annoying and smells bad, maybe he doesn't speak nicely to you, maybe he's in love with you but you coulda had a V-8. who knows. life is incredibly messy and for those of us that have happily married parents, we know this better than anyone. (tangent: to have a marriage that lasts longer than you are old, people have to become freakish co-dependents and they have to grow together like a tree graft until one can't survive without the other. that's a bad metaphor, but let it go.)

something and someone else will happen, and this will pass. you have us and we loves you.