refined is a 7-letter word

having two people and one bathroom sucks. as my mom - who largely subscribes to the belief that there should be a greater or equal to number of toilets to people - would say, "two butts! one toilet!" to summarize what could go wrong.

my people are potty mouths. my sister and i grew up cursing roundly whenever and wherever we felt the need - my parents pretty much set the standard there. my mom routinely refers to her children as "you assholes" and identifies certain individuals in society as being, "one of those, you know, jive-ass motherfuckers."

we also like to talk openly about daily bowel movements, what stops you up and what doesn't, why my dad is unhappy when my mom eats daikon or kimchi (watch out below!!!!), and laugh roundly about farting. oh, and there is lots and lots of fart referencing.

trevor comes from a more proper folk. bodily functions are discreet and taken into different rooms. they don't really exist in that no one discusses them, so there is no there there - the big fart cloud in the room, so to speak. so, in preparation for spending 2 weeks with my family over xmas, i stood poised and ready to see if his head was going to spin around and take off. i was slightly afraid and highly anticipatory of him meeting my closest cousin, who would routinely sit on her phone receiver and rip nasty ones in my ear mid-conversation, and talks openly about laxatives and shit nuggets.

our funniest family stories almost always involve some sort of bodily function. when i was about 10, my dad bought me the fart book for my birthday because i was notorious for falling into hysterics when anyone brought up that particular subject. or issued one forth. or even talked about forts, which my mom tried to do on one occasion, referencing an actual fort somewhere, but was unable to continue because her mindless child was rolling on the floor and shrieking.

we can't ignore what plainly smells. everyone in my family calls a spade a spade, because, well, they can smell that it's there and what's the point of pretending it's not? my mom once advised me to stay away from the corners when shopping at ross dress for less, because old ladies sneak into the corners and release tensions there. she waved her hand in front of her face and wrinkled her nose to augment the effect. "stinky! so stay away from them!" that has to make you laugh. who else's mom on the planet would first, even notice that there was a consistency with the corners in ross dress for less, and then second, pass the wisdom on to her kid like some rare gem falling from her lips? and in such a conspiratorial manner?

regardless, trevor survived the two weeks. he's even surprised and delighted me with a few bodily function references here and there. and frankly, anyone that's spent more than a handful of weeks in china has gotten seriously ill in the gastro-intestinal area, so it's not like he's never had to face the issue. (see photo above. those nasty bitches are enough to make you jump on the first plane home.) i also think he noticed that nothing makes me laugh harder or more genuinely than when a person verbally recognizes the wisdom of taro gomi: everyone poops.