ok, so maybe some people are right

so, my tribe (with few exceptions) consists of drum-beat worshipping, morning-growling, daylight-stomping coffee drinkers. i have never apologized for my coffee addiction; quite the opposite, i reveled in it. i celebrated it. i mocked people who did not understand its seduction.

makes your heart palpitate? excellent, it's working! jittery and unfocused? pthhhh, a noob. can't sleep at night? that's why people invented ambien!

oh, so glib.

after hell and back in six days without coffee, i jumped (ok, we all know me better than that. i probably slogged) out of bed at the crack of noon and joyously (alright, inscrutably and unemotionally) poured water from the brita into my coffee maker's water well. i carefully measured (i.e. dumped unceremoniously) peet's italian roast into the gold mesh filter. i hit "start," cackling and rubbing my evil hands together.

i knew my clean, fresh, innocent-pink bodily system should probably start off slowly, so both of my two cups were one-third soy milk. and here i sit, heart palpitating,

jittery and unfocused,

and likely unable to sleep for another 82 hours.

fuck.

i knew this morning that coffee probably wasn't necessary. i even considered tea. but the thought of abandoning my rite of passage into adulthood, my personal vice and source of solace, my morning ritual of reassurance was too much to bear. i had to start up again. no one was going to lead me out of the territory on a sled in the dead of winter and abandon my old ass to die alone. i'm a heart-thumping, hand-shaking, wild-brained warrior in this tribe.