the silence that follows

just got back from our friend viv's birthday dinner. everyone else headed to shelter to see cut chemist, but i bowed out. i love being around my folks, plus a few others that were visiting, but damn. it's really like jumping off a bullet train into the hush of being underwater. i was so hyper stimulated i had to come up with something to do (apply face mask and sit in a chair) to switch from 11 people talking all at once to me in my quiet apartment.

i wonder sometimes how mental illness isn't something more widespread. the swing from just the two environments had me off kilter for a minute. someone with more social anxiety would be in a bad place. i can't say that i'd ever notice something like this except for the fact that i live in the extreme right now - my social life here is like the bay area super-mellow scene x 1000. and my apartment that faces the garden courtyard is so quiet. i hear some noise from the street, like the rumble of trucks going by every so often, but silence in shanghai is hard to come by and this is damn close.

i'm stuffed. we ate at el willy's, one of the newer places that's opened up recently, a spanish tapas joint that features an actual spanish chef. it was delicious, but so rich. plus i fortified with some bloody marys and topped everything off with a slice of chocolate mousse cake. sleep actually feels like it may be an exercise in corralling the unwieldy.